Overview
The pursuit of a no conflict state is the part of many philosophies and religions. We seek to be at peace, in the flow, calm, prayerful, thoughtful and at one with the universe.
The research of Dollard & Miller doesn’t include a no conflict stage, so we are free to speculate what it entails. We like the idea of being conflict free but we realize that it is a rare experience. Life seems to come with conflict.
Let me suggest there are two types of no conflict situations. First, there is no conflict when you can get what you want. Second, there is no conflict when can avoid what you don’t want.
Examples
Here are some no-conflict situations:
- Attending a concert you want to go to
- Receiving an award you deserve
- Buying the clothes you want
- Wearing an outfit you chose
- Getting a cookie you want
- Getting a raise
Here are more no-conflict situations:
- Booing politicians you disagree with
- Not wearing mandatory uniforms
- Avoiding frowns and mean-faces
- Avoiding people you don’t like
- Not doing chores you hate
- Not getting arrested
Video Transcript
Conflict includes incompatibility, disagreements, arguments, clashes and dissonance. It suggests friction or discord, usually with other people. Sometimes it is an us-them conflict, pitting insiders against outsiders. But there can be intra-group conflict between unit members.
Conflict can be internal too. It can be inside you, which is our focus. We are looking at how our incompatible goals generate unpleasant feelings and disrupt our decision making process.
It is tough to be conflict free. Babies don’t have internal conflicts. Their problem is getting adults to feed them, clean them and rock them to sleep. Infants have very singular goals.
There are two factors in being conflict free. First, if you get what you want, there is no conflict. You want something, you get it. You want an apple, you eat an apple.
At some level, when you see a piece of fruit you want, you can have it. Assuming of course that you bought it, no one else in the house wants it, and your doctor will let you eat it. That’s about as conflict free as we get. For adults, even simple tasks often have some limitations.
Second, being conflict free means you can avoid things you don’t like. You don’t want something, you don’t have to have it. That’s a no-conflict situation too. Again, this freedom to not do usually comes with limitations.
For some, conflict free is a matter of mindfulness.
Audio
Infographic
